I agree with some of what you said. You absolutely do not have to go to JR or Maverik to get recruited, and despite the flaws those are still pretty good vetting events for coaches. If they weren't you wouldn't see just about every DI school sitting on the sidelines baking in the sun.
I don't necessarily buy the argument that if you are good they will find you. I have too much personal experience of kids who have wound up at top schools, or who are going to top schools who wouldn't be there without divine intervention. There are just too many kids playing good lacrosse at too many events, and lacrosse unlike football doesn't have the resources to dedicate towards recruiting so a lot of it does matter on your club.
Not that you have to play for the Express or Crabs to get recruited, but if you are playing on a mediocre team fewer coaches watch your game, and if you are surrounded by less skilled players it is often very difficult to showcase your skills.
When you watch coaches on a sideline most of them are not looking for the diamond in the rough. For the most part they are going to look at kids who have been recommended or who either the player or parent has sent loads of emails, updates, and videos, and the coach saw enough potential to go see the kid play in person.
Can this happen independent of a club coach, absolutely, but playing on a recognizable club team give you enough steer creed in many instances to at least warrant a look from a coach at a tournament or showcase.
The one point I totally agree with you on is be patient. If not this process will drive you crazy. It happens on different timelines for different people.
