Important to remember that, regardless of our childrens' age, we need to help guide them through the various stages in their lives to eventually be highly functioning and mature adults. These games may seem so important now, but how does our actions prepare them for when their older, having children, working, and making important life decisions? Our kids watch and learn from us. They learn to yell at people instead of discussing. They'll learn to blame others for their failures (refs, coaches, other players, teachers, etc.) rather than taking ownership. They learn to take short cuts or sacrifice important long term goals for a "win". We should remember why we have our kids in sports. Rest assured, most of us will not say, "In order to rub a loss in the opponents face." or "So that we can prove Maryland has better players." or "Because winning is the only thing that matters." What is important? Why subject children to hours of practice over many years? Let's consider the following goals for sports: 1. To develop social skills and team work; 2. To learn personal responsibility; 3. To understand the importance of perseverance; 4. To improve one's health; 5. To learn how to deal with adversity; 6. To love the journey; 7. To see the benefits of how work.
There is nothing about "winning". Winning is short term. Focusing on the win detracts from our true goals as loving parents and caring coaches. These are our children--future leaders, health care workers, parents, police officers, etc. Winning is not quitting. Winning is learning. Winning is becoming a strong, caring, intelligent individual that learns to succeed despite any obstacles that may come. You must understand that focusing on becoming a winner only creates a loser mentality. My kid understands that she never loses, just keeps learning better ways to perform. My kid is told that "failure" is not bad when you've found a way to overcome. I tell my daughter that winners are those that don't quit. No matter what you're faced with, you keep trying and learning. When you quit trying, you lose. I liken it to being an entrepreneur or scientist, it takes many thousands of "failures" (e.g. learning opportunities) before you succeed.
Let's be a supportive community of mature adults and help all of our children reach their goals. It is not about us.
Says the loser! You wouldn't be writing this book if your kid won the championship. Sports is about winning. If you want to be the best you find a way to do that.
