I'm 2021 travel coach. I think communications and setting expectations is absolutely key and parents and children deserve it. Find a team that is a good fit.
That said . . .
I remember my U11 team's VERY first tournament. We came back from down 1-5 at halftime and won the championship. As pulled up the driveway to my house, I got a call from a parent who said the fact I didn't play his kid enough in the championship "was going to ruin his love for the game." Problem is that his kid wasn't fighting hard for GB's off the FO wing. Other problem - and I really never had the heart to tell the dad this - was that his son was hiding on the end of the bench because he was afraid to go in and let the team down. In a perfect world, I have time to pay him more attention and build his confidence. Down big with running halves and no TO's, I didn't.
I think it's a parent's job to tell their kid to keep working harder and practice harder if they want to play more. I don't think this is a time for sympathizing or internalizing your kid's emotions- we live in a world where you have to step up to challenges. This is key time for parenting and I know exactly which of my parents do this and which don't.
I also think parents commonly overvalue gameplay experience and undervalue practice time experience. Is game experience valuable? Yes, but that builds on top of good fundamentals and knowing what to do on the field, which is built in practice. Confidence is important, and some kids may need to be one of the best players on a team to obtain it, but I have no doubt that playing on a team where you have to work your tail off to earn minutes - and the parent reinforces this message versus wondering why their kid doesn't play more - is better developmentally.
My points aren't to you, because you have a uncommunicative coach and that's unacceptable, but did hit a couple points to which I'm sensitive. I'm a parent too and just in the last week I've worried about playing time, but only because I was worried (pretty sure) kids were added to roster for money reasons who the coach then felt an obligation to get on the field, thus diluting my kid's PT. My point is that we're all human, but must manage our own emotions to be the best parent we can be.
Yes, coach, very good post, and provides a nice view from the coach's eyes. parents definitely play an important role in their kids' development, arguably the most important role. and im happy to know that as a coach you seem to have a great approach to your kids. your advice to find a team that fits is well taken. for the coach/director who really cares, it is a hard balancing act. but caring is the important part. not just saying you care.
admittedly, its very hard for me to remove myself from the situation, it is my son after all. what father wouldnt be emotional over it. i am trying to be as objective as i can about it all. and i love your thought about having to manage emotions to be the best parent we can be. that is spot on.
but just getting back to my situation for a moment, i would much rather have known earlier about the coach's evaluations and decisions, not when tournament season is upon us. or maybe just a comment to me or my son about what he needs to do to or where he needs to get to in order to earn playing time at all.
for what its worth, coach, i appreciate your post, as i hope others do.
thanks for replying.
